Charging a Tesla on Household Output: A Feasibility Memorandum
Charging one 75 kWh electric vehicle from empty on household digestive output alone, sized from volatile solids and biogas to the kilowatt-hours delivered.
Questionable Engineering
Feasibility studies for the brown energy transition.
How Much Poop Would It Take?
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Feeding the Machine: Contribution Requirements of One AI Chatbot
One AI chatbot answering a billion questions a day, priced in the household digestive output needed to keep its servers fed for a single day.
Estimated Contributions Required to Illuminate the Las Vegas Strip
Illuminating the Las Vegas Strip for a year, converted from gigawatt-hours into the daily contributions a national mobilization would have to supply.
Powering One Bitcoin Miner: A Contribution Audit
One Bitcoin miner draws three and a quarter kilowatts without pause; this audit sizes the contributing population needed to keep a single machine hashing.
The Suburban Christmas-Light Display, Restated in Contributions
One heavy suburban Christmas-light display, its dusk-to-bedtime load restated as the days of household contribution each evening quietly draws down.
The Walmart Air-Conditioning Question
Air-conditioning one Walmart supercenter through a July afternoon, restated as the contributing population, about a mid-sized city, required to hold it.
The Complete File
Reclaiming the Communal Midden
A feasibility study finding that a white-rhinoceros herd's shared dung heap, fully automated, yields more than enough biogas to sustain the waterfowl audio that keeps the herd calm.
Could America's Pet Dogs Operate the National Grid?
Scaling the household dog figure to all ninety million U.S. pet dogs, this study asks whether the harnessed national herd could carry any share of the grid.
How Many Dachshunds Does It Take to Charge a Phone?
Extending the livestock conversion to the household dog, this study fixes the number of dachshunds whose pooled daily output charges one telephone once a day.
What Is the Aerodynamic Limit of a Flying Turd?
A feasibility study establishing the speed at which a formed specimen can no longer hold itself together against the air, and what that ceiling means for ballistic and pneumatic dispatch.
Could a Football Stadium Become Energy-Positive by Halftime?
A feasibility study of the energy-positive stadium: can a sold-out crowd's digestive contribution outrun the building's own load before the second half?
The Great Wet Wipe Turbine Failure
A post-incident engineering report on the nine-day failure of a Municipal Fart Grid reclamation turbine that ingested a mass of flushable wipes and seized.
The Official Livestock-to-Appliance Conversion Chart
A standing conversion table pairing each common farm and household animal with the one household appliance its daily manure will honestly, and only just, power.
Would Synchronized Flushing Damage the Electrical Grid?
An assessment of whether a nationally synchronized flush could destabilize the electrical grid, once the water network's pumping load and storage are counted.
Can a Medieval Castle Run on Chamber Pots?
A retrofeasibility study converting a 400-occupant castle to chamber-pot district energy, benchmarked against the modern suburb it predates.
How Many Office Workers Does It Take to Run a Keurig?
A workplace contribution model setting one break-room pod machine against the metered output of a mid-size office floor, with staffing recommendations.
Can a Family of Four Power a Waffle Iron?
A load study of one 1,200-watt breakfast appliance against the honest daily output of a compliant four-person household, with a schedule.
The Fecal Flywheel: Storing Rotational Energy for Uncertain Times
A feasibility study of banking surplus digester output as rotational energy in the basement, with the bearing losses stated in full.
Can a Chili Cookoff Stabilize the Grid?
An assessment of the municipal chili cookoff as a dispatchable ancillary service, evaluated against the timing and controllability the grid actually requires.
A Failure Mode and Effects Analysis of the Dungester 5000
A reliability engineer computes how often the flagship digester fails, how long it stays down, and which failure the field service program exists to prevent.
The Fecal Load Balancer: A Dispatch Model for Homes That Produce Less Than They Use
A power-dispatch analysis of the smart panel that rations a household's biogas trickle across its circuits, and the one load it cannot make fit.
Toilet Grid Interconnect Standards for Residential Homeowners
The interconnection standard governing how a home may back-feed the Municipal Fart Grid, with the electrical and gas-quality thresholds a residential contributor must clear.
How Much Poop Would You Need to Burn to Play Minecraft?
A feasibility study of the residential brown-energy load imposed by one block-based civilization, from single-player survival to a modded server.
Is Your Septic Tank an Untapped Battery?
A specification-sheet comparison of the residential septic tank against the storage assets it is often imagined to rival.