Literal ShitpostsThe internet’s most renewable publication

The Official Livestock-to-Appliance Conversion Chart

A standing conversion table pairing each common farm and household animal with the one household appliance its daily manure will honestly, and only just, power.

A Victorian scientific chart plate ranking nine animals from a laying hen at the bottom to an elephant at the top, each tied by a dotted line to the single appliance it powers, from an indicator lamp to a small house, under a banner reading ONE ANIMAL, ONE APPLIANCE

Abstract

This paper publishes the Bureau's standing conversion between a keeping animal and the household load its daily manure will carry, expressed in the only terms an owner acts on: which single appliance the animal runs. Each figure is the net electrical output of a well-run mesophilic digester and small generator, after the gas burned to hold the vessel warm. The chart is anchored at its upper end by the settled one-elephant result and extended downward, by the same conversion, to the laying hen.

Method

Every row is computed by one chain, applied without exception:

  • Biogas yield. Fresh dung ferments to biogas at a rate set by the animal's gut. Coarse herbivores — cow, horse, goat, sheep, elephant — yield about 0.04 m³ per kg; the dog, an omnivore, about 0.05; the pig about 0.06; poultry, richest per kilogram, about 0.07. The elephant's rate is taken from the published single-elephant guide and is not re-litigated here.
  • Gross energy. Biogas carries roughly 6 kWh per m³.
  • Digester heating. A mesophilic vessel spends about a fifth of its own gas holding 35 °C; usable heat is therefore 80% of the gross.
  • Generation. A small genset returns 20% of that heat as electricity.

The three factors collapse to a single number: net electricity ≈ 0.96 kWh per m³ of raw daily biogas. An animal's place on the chart is then fixed entirely by how much it produces and how well its gut ferments.

The Conversion Chart

AnimalFresh dung (kg/day)Biogas (m³/day)Net electrical (kWh/day)Appliance it will run
Laying hen0.120.0080.008An indicator lamp — about half a phone charge
Rabbit0.250.0100.010A telephone, every other day
Dog (household)0.340.0170.016One phone charge daily, with a little to spare
Sheep1.50.060.058A nightlight, through the night
Goat2.00.080.077A reading lamp for the evening
Pig5.00.300.29A wireless router, around the clock
Horse200.800.77A ceiling fan, day and night
Dairy cow502.01.9A refrigerator, and the evening's lights
Elephant1004.03.8A lean tiny home (settled precedent)

The ladder below arranges the same nine animals by the appliance each will carry.

A ranked ladder diagram of nine animals from smallest to largest, each linked to a single household appliance.
Fig. 1The ladder in full. Each animal is tied to the one appliance it will carry, and no more.

Reading the Chart

Take the dairy cow, the row most smallholders come for. Fifty kilograms of fresh dung a day, at 0.04 m³/kg, is 2.0 m³ of biogas. At 6 kWh/m³ that is 12 kWh of gross energy; the digester keeps 9.6; the generator returns 1.9. A frost-free refrigerator draws about 1.2 kWh a day, which leaves the cow's owner roughly 0.7 kWh — an evening of lights — and nothing further. One cow, one refrigerator. The chart records this as a success, because it is one.

A flow panel showing a cow, a digester, a generator, and a refrigerator connected by labeled arrows.
Fig. 2The cow, worked through the chain. Twelve kilowatt-hours of gas become one refrigerator.

The instructive direction is downward. Each rung is not a little smaller than the one above it but smaller by the whole animal, and the animals thin out fast. Below the pig, the output stops mapping to rooms and starts mapping to objects: a router, a lamp, a nightlight, a telephone. At the bottom rung the laying hen produces, across a full and diligent day, about eight watt-hours — a little over half of what a modern telephone asks for one charge. It is listed for completeness. Completeness is the only argument for listing it.

A small bar comparison in which a hen's daily-output bar reaches just past the midpoint of a taller bar marked one phone charge.
Fig. 3The bottom rung, to scale. A full day of hen is a little over half a charge.

Operational Notes

  • The chart is per healthy adult animal, fed and watered as the animal requires. It sizes the output and never the input; the input is the whole cost and appears in none of these columns, which is precisely the omission the single-elephant guide was written to correct.
  • Rows do not add cleanly. Two cows are two vessels, two permits, and two appetites, not a doubled flame under one tank. Aggregation across many animals is a separate and worse problem, treated in the companion study on the national dog herd.
  • Cold weather moves every animal down a rung. In the months when the vessel's heating load eats most of the gas, read the chart one line higher than the animal you actually own.
  • Compliance. A residential digester and genset fall under the Residential Digestive Contribution Act as accessory appliances; file before the first charge, and route the exhaust through a Fart Scrubber 3000. The animals themselves are your own affair until they cross a setback.

Conclusion

The chart's purpose is to end a specific argument before it begins. The keeping animal is not a battery with a face; it is a modest, living generator whose honest output can be named in advance and is almost always smaller than the owner hoped. A cow is a refrigerator. A horse is a ceiling fan. A pig is a wireless router. An elephant, as established, is a tiny home and a small farm to feed it. And the laying hen, at the far quiet end of the ladder, is half a telephone — which the Bureau records not to mock the hen, but because a chart that stops where the numbers get embarrassing is not a chart. It is a brochure.