Do Not Flush Between 6:00 and 8:00 p.m.
The Demand Response Division designates 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. as the daily peak flush window and directs households to hold contributions until it clears.
From the Municipal Desk
Notices and advisories from the Office of Civic Digestion.
Advisories & Programs
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Your Household Has Been Assigned a Flush Budget
The Emissions Accounting Desk assigns every residence a daily flush allocation by household size and directs occupants to pace the budget, not spend it by noon.
Time-of-Use Toilet Pricing Begins Monday
Time-of-use pricing begins Monday: the Grid Planning Division prices each flush by the hour it is made, across peak, shoulder, and off-peak rates.
Register Your Toilet Before the Amnesty Period Ends
The Office of Civic Digestion opens a registration amnesty for unregistered toilets and sets the date after which an unregistered fixture becomes unlawful.
Unscheduled Brownout Expected After Taco Tuesday
The Load Forecasting Desk projects an unscheduled brownout on the Municipal Fart Grid the evening after Taco Tuesday and directs residents to pre-stage output.
Voluntary Chili Suspension Now Mandatory
The Demand Response Division makes the Voluntary Chili Suspension mandatory, ending unscheduled private chili — a load the forecast cannot see or curtail.
The Complete File
A Better America Through Organized Defecation
The Office of Civic Digestion announces the commencement of the National Contribution Program, coordinating the daily output of the American home into a scheduled civic resource.
The Mayor Pardons Fourteen Unauthorized Flushes
The Mayor, with the Office of Civic Digestion, pardons fourteen flushes made against the seated-priority schedule during the last Stage 2 Conservation Alert.
The Sewer Is Not a Lost-and-Found Department
The Office of Civic Digestion recovers thousands of objects from the district interceptors each week and states plainly that the sewer returns none of them.
Please Stop Pouring Gravy into the Municipal Digester
The Office of Civic Digestion reminds every district that the Municipal Digester intake is rated for contributions and Soup Night surplus, never for gravy.
Town Hall Erupts Over Proposed Toilet Meter
The Office of Civic Digestion enters into the record its hearing on the proposed Contribution Meter, two overturned chairs and a motion tabled not withdrawn.
Public Comment Period for the Municipal Fart Grid
The Office of Civic Digestion opens a thirty-day comment period on Phase III of the Municipal Fart Grid and enumerates the only forms of comment it is prepared to accept.
CommodeNet Outage in District 7
With CommodeNet telemetry down across District 7, the Office of Civic Digestion directs residents to self-report every contribution on Form CD-19, in ink, in triplicate, until service is restored.
Mandatory Fiber Week Has Been Postponed
The Office of Civic Digestion postpones Mandatory Fiber Week citing grid readiness and instructs residents to keep anticipatory fiber stores sealed until the rescheduled week opens.
Please Stop Feeding the Generator Hot Cheetos
The Office of Civic Digestion issues its third and final reminder that the District 7 neighborhood generator does not accept snack food.
Your Neighborhood Has Exceeded Its Monthly Methane Quota
The Office of Civic Digestion notifies the association that recorded output has passed the seasonally adjusted ceiling and sets the terms for a return to band.
Stage 2 Digestive Conservation Alert
The Office of Civic Digestion raises the service territory from Advisory to Restriction and directs residents to meter discretionary flushing until output stabilizes.
Thank You for Participating in Demand Defecation
The Office of Civic Digestion closes out Thursday's declared event, releases seated priority, and confirms that participation has been recorded for each contributor of record.
Notice: Your Toilet Is Now a Grid-Tied Appliance
Effective immediately, all residential fixtures are enrolled in the Municipal Fart Grid under the Residential Digestive Contribution Act.
Soup Night Advisory: Grid Volatility Expected
The Office of Civic Digestion forecasts elevated output across all districts for the day after Soup Night and asks residents to contribute on a staggered schedule.