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From the Municipal Desk

Notice: Your Toilet Is Now a Grid-Tied Appliance

Effective immediately, all residential fixtures are enrolled in the Municipal Fart Grid under the Residential Digestive Contribution Act.

A municipal utility notice bearing the seal of the Office of Civic Digestion, showing a household toilet connected by a cord to a high-voltage transmission tower, over a banner reading NOW GRID-TIED.

Office of Civic Digestion

Notice No. CD-2026-0413 · Effective July 3, 2026

Pursuant to the Residential Digestive Contribution Act, every toilet within the service territory is hereby reclassified from a private fixture to a grid-tied appliance. The reclassification requires no action on the part of the resident. Enrollment is automatic, and participation is presumed.

Residents are directed to observe the following:

  1. Do not decouple your fixture from the main. Standpipes, holding tanks, and other interruption devices are prohibited during declared contribution windows.

  2. Report irregular output. Sustained underperformance — fewer than the seasonally adjusted minimum daily contributions per household — must be reported to CommodeNet within one business day.

  3. Yield to Demand Defecation events. When the grid signals peak demand, seated priority passes to enrolled residents. Guests and visitors are asked to wait.

  4. Preserve the meter seal. Interference with the household contribution meter is a Class C civic infraction and may affect your neighborhood's monthly methane quota.

The service territory, as enrolled, is reproduced below.

A municipal map with small toilet symbols on every dwelling, all shaded the same, and a one-entry legend.
Fig. 1 —The service territory as of the effective date. The legend requires one entry.

Inquiries regarding your enrollment may be directed to the Office of Civic Digestion. The Office does not process requests for withdrawal.

Your cooperation has already been recorded.