Literal ShitpostsThe internet’s most renewable publication
From the Municipal Desk

Your Neighborhood Has Exceeded Its Monthly Methane Quota

The Office of Civic Digestion notifies the association that recorded output has passed the seasonally adjusted ceiling and sets the terms for a return to band.

A municipal overage notice stamped with the seal of the Office of Civic Digestion, showing a pressure gauge with its needle pinned past a red QUOTA line above a row of rowhouses releasing faint plumes, beneath a banner reading QUOTA EXCEEDED.

Office of Civic Digestion Emissions Accounting Desk

Notice No. CD-2026-0452 · Effective July 4, 2026

Your neighborhood has exceeded its monthly methane quota. The overage was recorded on the twenty-ninth of last month and has continued, without pause, since. The Municipal Fart Grid has absorbed the surplus. The ledger has not.

Pending a return to band, the association is directed to observe the following:

  1. Accept corrective status. Until compliance is restored, the neighborhood association shall display the issued status placard at the primary common entrance, face out, at a legible height. The placard is not decorative and may not be turned to the wall. A placard turned to the wall reads, to this Desk, as an admission.

    The placard is reproduced below, at reduced scale, for reference.

A municipal placard with an official seal, the words RETURN TO BAND, and a punched date margin.
Fig. 1 —The issued placard, reproduced at reduced scale. It may not be turned to the wall.

  1. Return to band. Output must fall within the seasonally adjusted quota by the close of the next contribution cycle. The grid does not accept apologies as a form of throughput.

  2. Post the reminder. The standing conservation notice — Poster No. 34, Every Flush Counts — shall be displayed in all shared corridors, laundry rooms, and mail alcoves for the duration.

Materials Referenced in This Bulletin

Poster No. 34 — Every Flush Counts

poster No. 34

Poster No. 34 — Every Flush Counts

Authorized archival reproduction of the Demand Defecation drive original, Office of Civic Digestion, circa 1943. Reformatted for residential, commercial, and municipal-adjacent display. The lightly foxed condition of the source lithograph is not reproduced; structural soundness is.

from $24.00Requisition →

  1. Do not redistribute. Neighborhoods may not lend, sell, or gift quota to an adjacent district. Quota is not a currency. Attempts to trade it will be logged with CommodeNet and, where warranted, referred.

  2. This is your one notice. It is also your last.

The quota exists to protect you from the grid, and the grid from you. Both remain in effect. Your cooperation has already been assumed and, in this instance, overdrawn.