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From the Municipal Desk

Town Hall Erupts Over Proposed Toilet Meter

The Office of Civic Digestion enters into the record its hearing on the proposed Contribution Meter, two overturned chairs and a motion tabled not withdrawn.

A municipal hearing notice bearing the seal of the Office of Civic Digestion, showing an overturned folding chair before a hearing dais where a small metering device sits on the podium, beneath a banner reading THE METER IS TABLED.

Office of Civic Digestion Rates and Metering Division

Notice No. CD-2026-0487 · Effective July 12, 2026

Minutes of the Public Hearing on Proposed Fixture Metering. The Division convened to hear the proposed Contribution Meter, a per-fixture device that records each contribution to the Municipal Fart Grid for the purpose of tiered assessment. The hearing was called to order at 7:00 p.m. The following is entered into the record.

  1. Presentation. Division staff presented the proposed tariff, set out below, under which the first sixty contributions each month are assessed at no charge. A resident in the third row stated that he did not intend to be counted. The Chair thanked him for his comment and entered it.
A ruled tariff table showing three tiers of monthly contribution counts with a per-contribution rate for each and a base meter fee at the bottom.
Fig. 1 —The proposed schedule, as presented. The first tier is free; the Division noted that freedom ends at sixty.

  1. Public testimony. Nineteen residents were heard, each for three minutes. Testimony ranged from opposition to firm opposition. One speaker exceeded the sand timer and was gaveled. The gavel was then itself the subject of testimony.

  2. Disturbance. At 8:12 p.m. a resident overturned a folding chair. The Chair called for order. Order was called for three further times. A second chair was overturned in what the record notes as solidarity. The Division wishes it entered that the chairs are municipal property and have been counted.

  3. Recess. The hearing recessed eleven minutes so that the room might compose itself. It resumed composed enough to continue but not enough to agree.

  4. Disposition. The motion to adopt the meter was tabled. It was not withdrawn. The proposal remains before the Division, which will hear it again on a date to be posted.

The Contribution Meter is tabled, not defeated. Residents are reminded that a tabled proposal is a proposal at rest, not a proposal at end, and that the grid has always known how much each household contributes. The meter would only tell the household too. The next hearing will be posted. Attendance is public, and the chairs will be recounted at the door.