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From the Municipal Desk

Please Stop Feeding the Generator Hot Cheetos

The Office of Civic Digestion issues its third and final reminder that the District 7 neighborhood generator does not accept snack food.

A municipal warning placard bearing the seal of the Office of Civic Digestion, depicting a household biogas generator with a red prohibition symbol over a spilled bag of snack chips, beneath a banner reading DO NOT FEED THE GENERATOR.

Office of Civic Digestion

Notice No. CD-2026-0447 · Effective July 4, 2026

The Office is aware that residents of District 7 have continued to feed the neighborhood generator Hot Cheetos. This notice is the third on the matter and, the Office hopes, the last.

Residents are directed to observe the following:

  1. Approved inputs only. The district digester accepts residential contributions and certified Soup Night surplus. It does not accept snack food. It has never asked for any.

  2. The dye does not clear. Red 40 stains the digestate a shade our technicians now refer to only as "that color" and fouls the Fart Scrubber 3000 well past the reach of routine service.

  3. The spice destabilizes the load. Capsaicin-driven output spikes trip the neighborhood Fecal Load Balancer, which then sheds your neighbor's circuits. Your neighbor is aware. Your neighbor has filed.

  4. This includes the flamin' variety. Especially the flamin' variety.

A placard listing approved feedstocks above a heavy line and a red prohibition circle over a snack bag below it.
Fig. 1 —Placard 7-C, as posted at the District 7 intake. The lower panel required no caption by the third printing.

A field technician has been assigned to the District 7 intake. He is patient, and he keeps good records.

The generator is not hungry. It was never hungry. Your cooperation, as ever, is presumed.