TIME-OF-USE TOILET PRICING

Beginning Monday, every flush you make is priced by the hour it is made. From the Office of Civic Digestion — a report to the American home. Every household is now metered to the minute; the grid knows the hour of each flush. At the weekday evening crest, six to eight o'clock, a single flush costs fourteen cents. In the quiet hours past midnight, two cents — and a half-cent credit besides. The household that keeps the grid's hours is thanked, and credited, on every statement. The full schedule is on file at literalshitposts dot com.