THE FLYING TURD

The aerodynamic limit of a flying turd is ninety metres per second. From the Office of Civic Digestion — a report to the American home. How fast can a specimen fly before the air itself tears it apart? Falling flat, it settles at seventeen metres a second. Falling nose-first, eighty-five. At ninety, the pressure of the air overcomes the specimen's own strength. The dispatch tubes run just below it; faster, and they deliver a mist. Its falling speed stops five metres short — exactly as strong as it must be. The full findings are on file at literalshitposts dot com.