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Stall Notes

The Automatic Flush Has Become Anticipatory

A survey of the automated restroom, transcribing the machine notices and sensor behaviors the Bureau's officers recorded across a season of modern facilities.

A folklore-survey plate beneath the embossed seal of the Bureau of Renewable Discourse, a labeled panel of modern restroom fixtures — a motion sensor, a hand dryer, and a mirror — each with a small posted notice, a banner reading AUTOMATED FACILITY.

From the survey of the automated restroom. The Bureau records both the behavior of the machines and the notices they post, transcribed together.

Observed:

  • The motion sensor has lost faith in you.
  • The automatic flush has become anticipatory.
  • The hand dryer is loud enough to conceal history.
A diagram of an infrared motion sensor on a restroom fixture with dashed detection lines and a small posted notice beneath it.
Fig. 1 —The sensor, with its standing notice. The update had not arrived at the time of survey.

Posted:

  • "This restroom is awaiting a software update."
  • "Do not unplug the toilet."
  • "The mirror is not a complaint portal."