THE POOP KNIFE

From the Office of Civic Digestion — a report from the Commercial Sightings desk, filed for the record. The Bureau keeps a desk that confirms certain products exist. Most confirmations are routine. This one was escalated. The item is a knife. It performs one downstream task. The listing does not ask it to do anything else. It is sold as a joke and described in earnest. Read closely, the purpose holds together. Something is being solved. The desk files the item under Questionable Gifts, and offers no recommendation. The distinction between gift and tool, the desk notes, may not survive first use. The full findings are on file at literalshitposts dot com.